


Love me anyway

by onescoupaday



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Additional tags indicated in each chapter summary please check before proceeding, Consensual Sex, M/M, Prosecutor Jeonghan, Romance, Smoking, Smut, ex with benefits, gang leader seungcheol, mentions of crime (not graphic), sexy chef mingyu, slight food play because duh chef mingyu, toxic relationshup
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-13
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:21:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27546022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onescoupaday/pseuds/onescoupaday
Summary: Seungcheol and Jeonghan are exes who cant seem to let go of each other. Jeonghan isnt too fond of how complicated it is to be with Seungcheol but he also cant seem to keep his legs closed. Then comes Mingyu. He’s simple, uncomplicated, and honestly all that Jeonghan needs. But Seungcheol wouldnt let him go so he finds himself stuck between someone he wants and someone he needs.
Relationships: Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Yoon Jeonghan, Kim Mingyu/Yoon Jeonghan
Comments: 39
Kudos: 216





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I spent three hours writing this i hope i dont regret this when i wake up.

“Ch-cheol ah! No..” Jeonghan wanted to push him away but he never really finds the strength to do so. Not with Seungcheol’s hands all over him-- his mouth kissing every inch exposed. How when he knows all of Jeonghan’s weaknesses-- know which buttons to push. Seungcheol just knows him too well. That used to be a good thing-- not anymore.

Seungcheol didn’t even bother saying a word when Jeonghan opened the door for him. He just straight up went for Jeonghan’s lips-- capturing it like he’s been starved all his life. Like he needed Jeonghan to survive.. like he needed Jeonghan.

The sudden attack on his lips rendered Jeonghan speechless. He tried pulling away but Seungcheol have wrapped his strong arms around his waist and with that, Jeonghan knew there’s no point in trying.

He feels the cold wall behind his back as Seungcheol pushed him. His mouth travelling to his jaw and the down to his throat where Jeonghan feels he suckles a little too roughly. “Don’t leave marks!” he hissed at him. Seungcheol looks up at him through those thick lashes, smirking, he attacks the same spot at suckles even harder. Jeonghan curses both in pleasure and frustration. He’s going to have to wear a turtleneck again and it’s not even winter.

Seungcheol all but tugs at his robe, forcefully sliding it off of him as his mouth follows every skin exposed to his sight.

Jeonghan closes his eyes.

_Here we go again._

-

“So you decide to go missing for several weeks only to come back, knocking at my door at 2am, without as much as a hello and proceeds to fucking me and even leaving marks all over. That’s not very nice of you is it?” Jeonghan says, passing Seungcheol the lighter he had just finished using. The older man smirks at him, “Well I’m not a very nice person to start with so…” Seungcheol lights his cigarette. “And besides, it’s not as if you didn’t want my cock inside you. You’re practically begging for it.”

“I did not!” Jeonghan argues. He never begs!

“You so did.”

Jeonghan rolls his eyes. “So..” Seungcheol changes the topic. “Do you want to know where I’ve been?”

“No.” Jeonghan answers dryly.

Seungcheol pouts. “What? Now that we’re not together anymore you’re not interested in my adventures?”

“Well that, and legally I’ll be obliged to tell the police on you so spare me that trouble, will you?”

“Ohhhhh.” Seungcheol looked like he’s mocking him. “Now that you’re a big shot prosecutor, you’re suddenly a goodie-two-shoe huh? Where’s the rookie prosecutor willing to risk it all for love?”

“Dead. Six feet under.”

“Awww.. but I liked him so much.” Seungcheol pouts once again. He cups Jeonghan’s face and brings his own closer. “I really liked him..” then he closes in on Jeonghan’s lips again.

Instead of pushing the ither away like he planned to the moment Seungcheol stepped into his apartment, Jeonghan said fuck it and kissed him back just as hungrily. He climbs ontop of Seungcheol, straddling his lap. “Just so you know…” Jeonghan says in between kisses. “He really liked you too.” He took hold of Seungcheol’s cock and lowered himself on it, filling himself once again of the familiar size. The older man groaned at the hear enveloping his hardness, gripping onto Jeonghan’s hip as his other hand reached for his face— caressing Jeonghan’s cheek. The latter held his hand and brought his thumb to his lips, sucking on it. “Tell me again why we broke up?”

Jeonghan released his thumb with a pop. “Because you’re bad for me.” Then he purposely tightened around Seungcheol making the other curse. He holds Jeonghan’s hips tighter this time as he thrusts up. Jeonghan gasps, feeling Seungcheol’s cock so deep inside him, his tip sharply hitting his protate with every thrust. “I beg to disagree. I think i’m perfect for you.”

-

It’s the pulsating feeling in his temple that drives Jeonghan insane. That and the soreness on his back. And the irritating itch he has on his neck for having to wear a turtleneck in the middle of summer. Oh, and the pile of documents on his table. He cannot even see past them anymore.

In short, a lot of things are pissing Jeonghan off today and he just really _really_ wants to sleep. Seungcheol’s unannounced visit and his insatiable sex drive that kept them up till 6am is behind his sleep deprivety.

Choi Seungcheol is bad news, he told himself for the nth time that day.

But then again, he’s known it since the first day he met him. What had meant to be a quiet night out after a long day of reviewing for the boards— he only wanted to drink a few glasses. He wanted to drown his thoughts so he opted to go to a club. But of course he’s bound to find much more than he intended.

Seungcheol slipped on the seat next to him, offered him another shot he was _supposed_ to refuse. But really— _really_ , who can refuse Seungcheol? With his handsome face and that dashing smile? Not to mention, his big beautiful eyes? Certainly not Jeonghan. Most definitely _not_ drunk Jeonghan.

So he lets the stranger talk to him— tell him things he really isnt paying attention to. But he nods and says ‘yeah’ from time to time when all he really wants is to devour those luscious red lips.

Seungcheol was quick to catch up on that because soon, they were down each other’s thoat in Seungcheol’s car and Jeonghan ends his months of sex drought with a quick steamy car romp.

Luckily, Seungcheol was gentleman enough to drive him home. They lingered at the doorway, with Jeonghan finally sobering up and realizing he just had sex with a beautiful stranger and that he probably wants more.

When Seungcheol kissed him goodnight, he allows the truth to take over and pulls said stranger inside for another round— a proper one this time. Ever since then Seungcheol had become a staple in his bed… and eventually his heart.

Months later he finally had the courage to ask the other what he does for a living. It didn’t escape his notice when Seungcheol brushes off his questions in the smoothest way possible. He allowed it for the first few times but Seungcheol’s ridiculously late night calls and his sudden need to be away at the wee hours of night is making him worried so he has to know. Seungcheol only coughed it up when he threatened to break up with him if he still doesn’t say anything.

“I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t want it to bother you.”

“Not knowing bothers me more.”

Seungcheol sighs. “Okay. I’m a ring leader.”

“Ring— what?”

“Basically, we do illegal stuff.. you know, stuff that you deal with at work.”

Jeonghan is stunned.

All this time… he’s been involved with a criminal?

Suddenly he remembers all the times he’s asked Seungcheol out but the older one turns him down. Now he gets it, he’s a wanted criminal that shouldn’t be seen with him!

He checks the files in the office the following day. Sinking so deep in his seat when he finds his lover’s name in bold and red lettering.

He takes a deep breath, hands shaky, he clicks on Seungcheol’s record. Drug trade, illegal gambling, weapons smuggling and money laundering just to name a few.

What an irony. A rookie prosecutor dating one of the most wanted ring leaders in Seoul.

Jeonghan refused to see Seungcheol for a month after that. Still he would get texts from random numbers, “I miss you, baby.” “I love you. Please let me see you.” “Please let’s talk.”

Jeonghan wanted to brick himself then when one day he finally rang Seungcheol and that meant he’s ready to talk.

“I cant keep seeing you if you continue your ways, Seungcheol.”

“So you want me to drop everything for you?” Seungcheol huffs his smoke. “What gave you the idea that you’re worth it? That you’re worth giving all this up?”

Jeonghan doesn’t reply but takes Seungcheol’s smoke and takes a hit.

In the end, Seungcheol told him he would. Because Jeonghan is worth it. Because love is worth it.

The next few years were blissful. Seungcheol still cant get a decent job but he’s rich enough to sustain his lifestyle. Jeonghan was okay with it. At least he isnt doing anything illegal anymore.

Or so he thought.

Because one day, his colleague had shared a case with him and the suspect is none other than Choi Seungcheol.

He confronted the older man as soon as he got home. Things got ugly. Seungcheol got aggressive when Jeonghan didn’t back down. They ended up sprawled on the living room with cuts on their arms and faces. “I cant just stop, Hannie.”

“Why?”

“What I do… it’s not something I can just pull out from. You know that. You know how messy it can get..”

“You said you were going to stop.”

“I did. I tried. But they wont let me..” Seungcheol explained to him why. He told him a lot of lives will be in danger is he just suddenly decides to go incognito. It took a long time for Jeonghan to understand… and to finally accept. This is Seungcheol’s life. Now he needs to choose if he wants to be in it or he wants out.

Jeonghan pulled Seungcheol into a kiss. That was his answer.

-

What Jeonghan had not realized (or had already but he chose to look past it because— love) was that he will be breaking a lot of rules to protect Seungcheol.

He found himself involved in Seungcheol’s case just so he can track the progress and eliminate possible leads.

“You should be careful.” Jeonghan says in between sucking and licking Seungcheol’s length. “I think they figured out some of your secrets.”

Seungcheol threads his fingers in Jeonghan’s hair. “I’m always careful baby. I’m good at what I do, you should know that.”

“Well, news flash to you, we are also good at what we do so don’t be too complacent. They know about your meet up in Busan for the exchange. You should change locations or change date.”

That got Seungcheol’s attention. He crooked his head to the side. “Looks like there’s a bug in our circle then, for police to know that much.” Seungcheol holds his cock and taps it on Jeonghan’s lips. “Thanks for the tip, baby. Now to reward you—“ Seungcheol flipped him over and brought his ass near his face. Jeonghan groaned deep when he felt Seungcheol’s tongue on him— pressing against his entrance, circling— teasing. “How are you so beautiful..” Seungcheol whispers and then bites on his cheek and Jeonghan’s eyes roll to the back because fuck, the pressure of Seungcheol’s teeth grazing on him just feel so damn good.

Their relationship continued like so.. and for a while Jeonghan thought it would work.

Until he found himself going against his sworn oath just so he can save Seungcheol. It put him in a position wherein he didn’t know which side he’s on. He wanted to uphold the law but at the same time, in a way, he helps Seungcheol break it.

In the end, he decided to let Seungcheol go.

He didn’t hear from him for months so naturally, Jeonghan thought that Seungcheol gave up on him. Maybe Seungcheol had moved on. Maybe that’s the end for them.

But he was wrong.

Because one night, while on his way home, he was dragged to a car and Seungcheol is there.

“Hello Jeonghan. I missed you.”

He cried that night. Adrenaline, fear, anger but most of all longing.

Jeonghan allowed himself to be taken to Seungcheol’s penthouse later on.

The moan that came out from his mouth the minute Seungcheol entered him was throaty— so deep and emotional and dragging. Seungcheol locked their eyes the whole time, whispering sweet things to him— how he’s beautiful and how he missed him. How he loves him still. The moans kept on flowing. “Right here, baby? I know. I remember. It’s this spot right here.” To make his point, Seungcheol gave a sharp thrust making Jeonghan cling onto him. Seungcheol hooks up his legs, accessing Jeonghan even deeper in this position. Jeonghan cried in pleasure as he came again and again from Seungcheol’s ministrations.

“This shouldn’t happen again.” Jeonghan says as he ties the robe around him.

Only it did.

Again.

And again.

And again.

And the vicious cycle of Seungcheol disappearing and suddenly appearing out of nowhere begun.

Jeonghan knows they should stop.

But how?

-

“Maybe you should try being with someone else. We both know you havent opened up to anyone after you broke up with Seungcheol. And I think you being single is the reason he keeps coming back. Because he knows you’re not over him yet.” Jisoo tells him.

“I don’t have the time to date, Ji. I barely have time for myself.” Jeonghan groans. “I didn’t say date, dummy! I just mean be with someone else. Someone who isnt complicated. Someone you don’t feel guilty to be with.” His bestfriend sometimes gives the best advice. For the record, this one is the worst he’s ever given.

“Seok and I are going to have a house party on Saturday! You should come! I want to introduce you to someone!”

“No!” Was his flat out reply.

“Yes! And I think you will like him. He’s a bit younger than you but I think he’s perfect.” Jisoo didn’t stop talking about this younger man-who’s-perfect-for-Jeonghan and just so he would shut up, Jeonghan agreed.

It’s not like it would be a problem, right?

-

Saturday came and Jeonghan found himself dragging his lazy ass to the shower. The party starts at 7 but in true Jeonghan fashion, he decided it’s best to arrive late. Last in first out as always.

“Jeonghan!” Jisoo calls his name the second he spots him. “Why are you so late?! Mingyu has been waiting for you!”

_Mingyu. So that’s his name?_

“And why are you dressed like an uptight lawyer who hasn’t had sex in weeks?!” Jisoo hissed at him. “Because I am.” Jeonghan says flatly. Seungcheol hadnt been to his apartment in two weeks now and well— he’s a lawyer.. a bit uptight… sometimes.. Jisoo went on and on about hiw he shoukd have dressed better. Like he once used to. With all the silk and lace and chokers. That was a vivid memory.

They stop in front of someone tall. Ridiculously tall. Jisoo taps him. “Mingyu!” And then the tall guy spins and Jeonghan gasps. Good God. Then he smiled at Jeonghan. Holy fuck. Jeonghan doesn’t hear what Jisoo says so his bestfriend nudges him on the side. “Oh, hi. I’m Yoon Jeonghan.”

“Kim Mingyu. Nice to meet you. I’ve heard so many good things about you.”

“So have i.”

“Okayyy so looks like you two are completely fine on your own. I’ll leave you to it, then!” And then Jisoo skids away.

“Sorry I heard you were waiting for me.”

“Oh, don’t worry. You’re worth the wait.”

_Oh. This kid has game._

They spent the night talking (although Jeonghan wished they could have used their mouths for other things) and he learns that Mingyu is a chef. He had just returned from New York and is in the midst of opening his restaurant. He also ocassionally models for some brands since he’s been freelancing since college. In short, he’s a little too perfect for someone like him— an uptight, sexless (ocassionally) lawyer.

Mingyu offers to show him his restaurant. Said he can whip out something good for him since it’s midnight and they’re both hungry. Jeonghan isnt sure but he thinks he prefers to be stuffed elsewhere rather than his mouth. It would be better if both were to happen, though.

The young chef brings him in his kitchen. He looked fancy (and incredibly sexy) with his sleeves rolled up wearing an apron. Jeonghan thinks he’s salivating— for the food or for Mingyu, he really isnt sure.

He’s unsure of a lot of things right now, to be honest.

Because he’s here with this hot young guy, who he thinks is trying to impress him so he could get in his pants and he isnt sure what to feel about that. Because Seungcheol—

Jeonghan shakes his head _. No. No Seungcheol tonight._ They’re over. He’s free.

Mingyu did stuff him well— food-wise, and Jeonghan is entranced. When Mingyu offered dessert, he didn’t think twice.

“Let me show you how it’s done.” Mingyu teaches him but Jeonghan doesn’t miss the occassional press of his crotch against his back. He smirks as he presses back. Two can play this game.

He did it until he’s deliberately grinding on Mingyu and by now, the young chef had lost his self control and practically swept the counter off and ripped Jeonghan’s clothes off. He pushed Jeonghan down and the latter gasped when the cold metal counter came in contact with his feverish skin. Mingyu decided he isnt letting go of dessert so he drizzles chocolate all over Jeonghan and worked to clean it off of him.

Jeonghan tried to hold back his moans as Mingyunworked his tongue and mouth all over him. His teeth biting and tugging gently at his sensitive nubs. His mouth hallowed as he took Jeonghan’s length and bobbed his head up and down and while working Jeonghan up.

Jeonghan is already leaking and so close to orgasm when Mingyu finally pushed in. The younger man fucked him senseless, fast, merciless pounding that made his see white. Jeonghan lost all sense of self. He let himself go. Mingyu is so good.

Mingyu had offered for him to stay at his suite but Jeonghan opted to go home. The chef wrapped him in his coat (because Jeonghan’s clothes were all ripped out) and they giggled as they made their way to his door. “Sorry for your clothes.” Mingyu smiled sheepishly.

“It’s alright. They’re ugly anyway.”

“You’re kidding! You looked so good in them!” Then Mingyu closed the space between them. “But to be honest, I liked it better when you werent wearing them.” Jeonghan bit his bottom lip. He feels giddy— like highschool- first- boyfriend-giddy. “You’ll text me, right?” Mingyu asked and he nodded and then they said their goodnights.

Jeonghan walked in his apartment with the stupidest looking grin. Well that went better than he expected. He’ll be sure to thank Jisoo in the morning.

But he shouldve realized things went too well.

Because when the light flickered on, he saw Seungcheol on the seat next to his bed. “I think you forgot that I don’t like sharing what’s mine.”


	2. two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> warning: non consensual sex for this chapter. Will put *** to mark beginning and end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was meant to be a two shot but i suck at chaptering.

Jeonghan watches as Mingyu puts on his clothes while telling him about how his day went. Mingyu is quite the talkative type and Jeonghan really doesnt mind but he kinda just misses seeing Seungcheol put on his, barely uttering a word as they stare at each other, as if challenging and willing the other to make the first move. Jeonghan would often find himself in all fours then, with Seungcheol’s cock inside his mouth as he pulls down the pants the older man just put on.

_Seungcheol_ \---

“Hyung, I’m going!” Mingyu kisses him on the forehead and disrupts his haze. He nods and tells the other to take care.

_Fuck_. He did’nt even realize he was thinking of Seungcheol again.

He probably-- no, he _really_ should stop.

Jeonghan tosses to his side, hoping sleep would come to him. He really needs to catch up on some shut eye.

-

_“I think you forgot that I don’t like sharing what’s mine.” Seungcheol’s voice was low and stern-- rough, the kind that makes Jeonghan’s skin crawl. The kind that scares him a little. But he looks away from his ex lover and pretends it didn’t bother him. “What are you doing here?”_

_“What are you doing with him?”_

_“It’s really none of your business.” Jeonghan was just about to take off his coat when he remembered he wasn’t wearing anything underneath. God, what perfect timing. “And I would appreciate it if you’d stop coming unannounced. Actually I’d appreciate it if you’d stop coming at all.”_

_Seungcheol stands up this time, making his way towards Jeonghan. “Would you, really?” he asks. He tips Jeonghan’s chin up so their eyes meet. “Do you really want me to stop?” Theirs faces are inches away. Jeonghan smells the familiarity in Seungcheol’s perfume and for a while there he got lightheaded._

_He snaps out of his trance and pulls away. “Yes. I really do.” he tells Seungcheol. He couldn’t quite tell the expression on the older man’s face. There was a slight frown, his jaw tight and square as he studies Jeonghan before him._

_***_

_Then suddenly, Seungcheol spun him around and pressed him down to the table, lifting his coat over his back, Seungcheol curses and calls Jeonghan a whore for not having any clothes on. “So you were out fucking someone huh?”_

_“Seungcheol, stop!” he fights him but he’s got nothign against Seungcheol’s strength, so he lies there on his stomach with the cold feel of the table pressed against his face. He hears Seungcheol fumbling with his belt and realizing what the other was about to do, he tried wriggling out of his old, this time with more force. “Stop!!” he yells. But Seungcheol only growls behind him and presses him down even more and the next thing Jeonghan knows is Seungcheol thrusting inside him so roughly he cried out in pain._

_“I told you, Jeonghan. I’m never going to let you go.” Seungcheol says behind him while all he could do was muffle the painful grunts by biting his bottom lip._

_Seungcheol finishes inside him and Jeonghan hears him putting on his pants again. Seungcheol tugs at his hair, “That should remind you who you belong to.” and Seungcheol leaves him there-- fully spent and used._

_***_

The sudden ringing of his phone makes him sit up from his sleep. He sees the secretary calling and reminds him that a new case briefing is due today. He covers himself with the blanket as he recall that recurring dream-- one he kept having ever since Seungcheol came to visit that night. What’s weird is that.. it didn’t even happen like that. Yes, the air was tensed and he knew Seungcheol was pissed. He could tell by the way his shoulders were square and his jaw all clenched, but Seungcheol did not in any way touch him like that. He wouldn’t. He wouldn’t hurt Jeonghan like that. He just simply asked if he’s okay, caressing his face as he studies him. For a split second Jeonghan sees sadness in his ex lover’s eyes and he knew exactly why-- knew that it’s because of him but he didn’t dare raise the topic. Seungcheol leans to kiss his forehead and whispers goodnight. The way his heels clicked with every step felt heavy in Jeonghan’s chest. He’s always hated Seungcheol walking away. But he wouldn’t deny there’s a relief over having him leave because he wouldnt know how to explain to Seungcheol what happened.

Not like he needed to, anyway. For sure, Seungcheol knew _exactly_ what happened.

He massages his temples, a pounding headache making its way and it’s not even 5 minutes since he woke up.

Jeonghan concluded this would be another shitty day.

Upon arriving at the office, he did not even made it to his desk and yet his secretary is already on his tail. Apparently, this is a case that escalated overnight that even the head prosecutor is involved. He was whisked to the conference room for a briefing that lasted four fucking hours.

Four _fucking_ hours, can you believe that? All because a big shot acquisition was made in Seoul Underground (their version of the blackmartket) and suddenly the stocks of one of the most prominent companies have plummeted.

The police wasn’t of any help (as always) because there’s no lead whatsoever. All they know is a codename.

S.Coups

It’s a new name, definitely. But with an acquisition as huge as that, he’s probably in the shadows for some time now.

Somehow, he thinks of Seungcheol and the deepest parts of him wished-- even prayed that he’s not involved in this. He remembers Seungcheol used to work for someone who does trades in the black market. He did mention once that he had stopped working for that person, so Jeonghan hopes he’s got nothing to do with this one. Not when it’s a high profile case-- something like this would either sign the perpetrator up for at least 10 years in prison, or would make him never to return to Seoul again if he ever does escape.

Surely, it isn’t Seungcheol, is it?

-

The week passes with Jeonghan buried neck deep in paperworks. There’s still no lead, no suspects. The deed was done ridiculously clean and Jeonghan’s migraine and the piles of paper in his desk at 10pm is making him want to regret ever taking up the promotion.

At least when he was a novice, he was required to leave office come 5pm. But now, even with the endless overtime, pay is still fixed. The only thing increasing is his stress level.

The vibration of his phone disrupts his flow. He looks and sees a message from Mingyu asking him if he wants some late night snack.

Knowing Mingyu, that meant late night shag. Which he really doesnt mind but his energy is _waaaay_ beyond depleted and-- another message from Mingyu-- _’Hyung, don’t worry, I’ll stuff your tummy too.’_ and that got Jeonghan’s eyebrow quirking up because he had skipped dinner and now the rumbling in his stomach wouldnt stop.

_‘I’ll bring the food to you, hyung. I’ll be there in 15 minutes.’_

Okay then.

He hears a knock on the door. “Oh Mingyu you’re early--” but he stops when he looks up and sees Seungcheol instead.

“Not who you’re expecting huh?” Seungcheol smirks at him.

Jeonghan rolls his eyes, “You shouldnt be here, Seungcheol.” He tries to not show hic internal panic, knowing Mingyu would arrive anytime soon.

“I’m starting to feel really unwanted nowadays.” Seungcheol pretends to pout. Now, in the old days-- _their days_ \-- Jeonghan would usually find this cute. But now, he tries to look away because Seungcheol pouting is _still_ his weakness and he cannot display any emotion that would make the other assume he still has feelings for him.

Not that it isn’t true but then again…. they’re _over_.

“I’m really busy, Seungcheol. Please, I need to get this done.” he glances at his phone, still nothing from Mingyu. “Busy but expecting someone else? Something doesnt add up here, Jeonghannie.” the older man had already closed the distance between them, now standing beside him and tilting his chin up so their eyes meet. “Can I kiss you?” Seungcheol asks, his eyes now fixed on Jeonghan’s lips.

The lawyer, if he was in his right mind, should have said no. Should have said he can’t because they’re over and Mingyu’s coming and he’s trying to move past them but one look from Seungcheol is all it takes for Jeonghan to lose his sanity. So he tells him “Yes.”

Seungcheol kisses him gently, a soft meeting of lips, teasing him and making him whimper. Jeonghan hates it (not totally) so he grabs him by the collar and crashes their lips harder against each other. He feels Seungcheol smile as they kissed and Jeonghan stands up with Seungcheol taking him in his arms. “Should I really go?” Seungcheol teases him some more and that got Jeonghan growling as he fumbles with the older man’s belt. “Shut the fuck up or I wont let you fuck me.”

Seungcheol spins him in one swift move and shoves him to his desk, pressing his head lightly on the wood. “I beg to disagree, Jeonghan-ah. I think you like it very much when I fuck you.”

Well, it’s true but Jeonghan wouldn’t say it out loud.

They both grunt when Seungcheol pushes inside him, claiming him once again-- gripping his hips tight as he thrusts in him deep and hard. The tip of Seungcheol’s cock brushes against his prostate with every thrust. Jeonghan bites down on his bottom lip to prevent himself from getting too loud. Seungcheol leans forward, his weight on Jeonghan, whispering to him “Does he fuck you better than I do?”

“For fuck’s sake, Seungcheol I--” but Seungcheol thrusts sharp into him, cutting him off. “I bet you think of me when he fucks you.” Jeonghan could only groan because the way Seungcheol is hitting him deep inside-- “As you should. Because nobody knows you like I do, Jeonghan.” and he thrusts mercilessly into him over and over again.

Jeonghan feels the build up in his groin and he’s so near release when his phone rings and a huge display of Mingyu’s name comes up. “Answer it.” Seungcheol tells him.

“No I won’t--hey!” it’s too late because Seungcheol had already pressed accept and now Mingyu is waiting on the other line. “ _Hyung?_ ”

“Mi-mingyu--” he glares back at Seungcheol whose smile is as wide as his chest. “ _Hyung I’m sorry im running a bit late something came up in the restaurant--”_

“No, no it’s alright I’m--” Seungcheol moves inside him and Jeonghan wanted to curse out loud but he settles on gripping the other man’s wrist hard. “Actually I was going to call you to raincheck. I’m a little-- _unwell_.”

“Oh! Okay then, do you want me to pick you up and get you home?” Mingyu please hang up.

“No I’m alright. Sorry-- _ah_ ” Seungcheol pressed hard inside him. _Fucking Choi Seungcheol._ “Some other time, maybe.”

Mingyu, although sounding hesitant, finally let him off and as soon as the call ends, Jeonghan gets up from being bent and pushes Seungcheol to the couch. “You fucking jerk!” The older man just smirks at him. After seconds of intense eye contact, Jeonghan finally breaks into the naughtiest of smiles and straddles Seungcheol’s lap and lowers himself onto him. “You’re unbelievable.” Jeonghan bites Seungcheol’s plump bottom lip. “And you’re fucking stunning.” the older man says as he meets Jeonghan’s hips. “I missed you, Hannie.” he says as he captures the latter’s lips in yet another gentle kiss.

Seungcheol watches as Jeonghan rides him and moments later, comes undone ontop of him. He follows shortly, growling Jeonghan’s name as he held him close.

“I can take you out to dinner, if you want.” he offers, still inside Jeonghan. He grunts when the lawyer pulls away and leaves him on the couch. “I don’t think I have the appetite after you stole my last remaining energy.” and they ended up bickering like the old times.

For a while there, Seungcheol felt like them. Like they’re still them. Jeonghan even let him take him home.

However, upon arriving at Jeonghan’s apartment, the latter lingers on the doorway and tells him, “I actually have a request.”

Seungcheol readied himself because he can feel it in his bones that it’s a request he wouldn’t want to fulfill.

“We have to stop, Seungcheol.” there it is. “This is unhealthy. I’m trying to move on and you’re not helping me. We have to stop doing this. It’s all just dragging and unnecessary and confusing.” Seungcheol feels a heavy weight on his chest. Jeonghan had said this to him countless times before but it feels different now because he knows Jeonghan is seeing someone else. It’s just different-- it feels _final_.

“Maybe it’s time to really close this chapter once and for all. To find someone good for us individually.--”

“And you think he’s good for you?” Seungcheol cuts him off.

Jeonghan pressed his lips in a thin line, obviously not sure on what to say. “We’re not that far off yet.. but he’s a good person..”

“Yeach of course.. because that was the only issue between us. Because I was a _bad_ person. Because I’m someone that goes against your sworn oath. But in reality, and you know this Jeonghan, you know I’m the person for you. You know it yet you keep denying it and for what? That’s what I don’t understand.”

“Seungcheol we talked about this--”

“You still love me Jeonghan. I can feel it by the way you kiss me, by how you touch me. I can see when you hold back. Your eyes tell me everything. I don’t understand why you lie to yourself when we could be happy together.”

Jeonghan looks so conflicted.

“I love you, Jeonghan. You know I do. There’s been no one else but you.”

“Seungcheol… I can’t--” Jeonghan’s gaze drop to the floor. “All I know is that we have to stop. I’m telling you like this because I feel like all the times I’ve said this to you, we were fooling around, but this time I mean it. We need to do this. I need to do this.”

Seungcheol looks at him, studying his movements. Studying his face. “Okay then. If that’s what you really want.” Jeonghan looks up at him, eyes wide. “So I guess this is really goodbye.”

Jeonghan nods.

“Goodbye, Jeonghan.” and with that, Seungcheol leaves.

Right in that moment, Jeonghan knew this is a decision he would come to regret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im really thankful for the good feedbacks on the first chapter which is why im really into this story right now. you guys have no idea what your comments mean to me!! so please tell me what you think of this too! i really really love reading about them! <3


	3. Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy :D

Jeonghan feels a pair of lips land on his back. He stirs from his sleep and is immediately brought closer to a familiar warmth. “Morning, hyung.” Mingyu mumbles as he buries his face on the crook of Jeonghan’s neck. _Ah. I slept in Mingyu’s studio_. Jeonghan bricks himself inwardly. They were at it the whole night he didn’t realize he passed out. “Want some breakfast, hyung?” Jeonghan wanted to say yes, because truthfully, he is starving. He hasn’t had any proper meal since the other night but he knew all too well Mingyu didn’t mean breakfast as in food and if the pressed erection on his back is any indication, he knew Mingyu means to stuff his ass and not his stomach.

“I need to get up, Mingyu…” he says softly, welcoming the huge arms enveloping him. “Come on, hyung. Just 20 more minutes..” and before he can even react and pull away, Mingyu has already lifted his leg and slipped his hardness inside him. Jeonghan groans from the sudden intrusion but he doesnt reject him, and instead, reaches back so Mingyu could kiss him better. “Still so loose from last night, hyung. You’re heavenly.” Mingyu says in between kisses, thrusting slow and deep into Jeonghan, eliciting throaty moans from the latter.

Jeonghan sees their reflection on the mirror not far away from the bed. He sees himself spread open, being taken in this very lewd position. Seeing Seungcheol’s-- wait, _fuck_. No, Mingyu’s cock slip in and out of him.

_Fuck._

For a second there, he saw Seungcheol in the mirror instead of Mingyu.

What the hell is happening to him?

So he resorts to closing his eyes and just letting Mingyu have his way with him. He dared not to open his eyes anymore, in fear of seeing Seungcheol again so he shuts everything out but the feeling of Mingyu filling him. It didn’t take long and soon, he was being carried to the bathroom and Mingyu, being the gentleman that he is, took care of him.

Against his wishes, he was dropped off at work. He hated the idea because he knew he would be talk of the building because Mingyu and his fancy car are pretty hard to miss.

He hears the whispers in the elevator but decided not to mind them. Anyway, his only agenda today is to bury himself in the piles of paperwork on his desk so avoiding judging stares wouldnt be that much of a problem.

“Any development on the case?” he says as soon as he gets inside his office. His secretary stands up and tails behind him.

“This S.Coups guy is becoming very aggressive as days pass. And he really does his work well. No clue whatsoever on his headquarters or the people he works with or works for. Last night, our bug in the black market reached out and said that a high profile prostitution den has been taken down and that this S.Coups is behind it.”

“Then does it mean he’s doing more good than harm, actually?”

“I would like to say that, but the way he does it does not really qualify as ‘good’. He swindles his victims, drives them to the edge and in the end the victim has no choice but sign away all their assets. So in short, he eliminates people by benefiting from them.”

“So the guy gets rich while getting rid of the devils. I wish it’s the same case for us.” Jeonghan leans back to his chair with a sigh. “That’s all we have of him?”

“So far, yes. The investigators are looking into it but the guy is really just so clean.”

“Nah, criminals are never clean. Investigators are just lazy.” Jeonghan winks at his secretary. “We don’t have any interviews today, do we?” His secretary shook his head. “Okay, no sudden bookings. I want to focus on this as much as I can so I don’t want any distractions. And that contact we have in the black market, please schedule him for a meeting. I have questions.”

“Noted, prosecutor.” and his secretary goes back to his desk.

Jeonghan takes one deep breath before going through the countless of folders in his desk. In a way, he’s neck deep in this case because he has a hunch that Seungcheol has something to do with it. But on the other hand, he’s a little doubtful because there’s no way Seungcheol can afford such a huge acquisition. He knows his ex lover is rich but definitely _not_ rich enough to take down one of Seoul’s prominent and high profile conglomerates.

Or maybe, there’s just something inside him that wishes-- _prays_ that Seungcheol is not behind this case. Because if he is, then he doesnt know how to save him.

Lunch time came and Jeonghan had refused his secretary’s offer to order for him. There’s no time to eat now. He needs to figure out this case. It’s his duty. But also, for his peace of mind.

He hears the door open, expecting the delivery man but he hears his secretary say “Yes, can I help you, sir?”

“This is prosecutor Yoon Jeonghan’s office?” His head snaps as he hears the familiar voice. “Ah, yes. But we’re not--” “It’s alright. Mingyu, what are you doing here?” Jeonghan cuts his secretary and stands up, putting his glasses down, his eyes wide at Mingyu because the younger one did not mention about visiting.

“Hello hyung!” came Mingyu’s blinding smile. “You werent answering my calls so I figured you’re too busy with a case. I thought I’d drop by some food.” Jeonghan sees his secretary’s suspicious look on the corner of his eyes. “Oh, you didn’t have to. Actually, we were just about to order in--”

“Oh, I ordered in but prosecutor Yoon said he’s not hungry.” his secretary interfered, smiling cheekily at Jeonghan. _This old man…. really annoying_. Jeonghan thinks.

“Ehh hyung! How can you not be hungry? It’s time to eat! Wait, where can I set down the food? Ahjussi, join us too!” and before Jeonghan can even process what’s going on, Mingyu and his secretary had already cleared up a table and is already setting up the food. “You brought a lot! Did you cook all these?” the old secretary asked.

“I did.” Mingyu smiled sheepishly. “I’m actually opening a restaurant nearby. I’ll make sure to let you know when it opens so please feel free to bring your family. It’s invitation only so no need to worry about the bill.”

“Are you serious??? Wow! Okay! I’ll look forward to that!” then secretary Choi turns to Jeonghan. “Come on, prosecutor Yoon! Let’s go eat!”

“Yes, hyung. Come! I made sure to cook some of the food you like.”

Jeonghan is overwhelmed. _This_ … this has never happened before. With Seungcheol.. never. He was never allowed to. Nobody knew Seungcheol aside from Joshua. He wasn’t allowed to introduce Seungcheol to his friends.. his family.. no one. For the longest time, Seungcheol was his biggest secret.

And then Mingyu… Mingyu comes and just penetrates that wall that Jeonghan has built so high up. He catches him off guard and for the first time in a long time.. it felt good. It felt comforting. It felt different.

“Ya! Hyung! Are you going to sit or do I have to go there and feed you?”

“Alright alright, I’m sitting down.” Mingyu hands him a plate full of food. “Mingyu I cant finish this all.”

“You can, hyung. You’re losing weight. You’re thinner than when I first met you. Have you been skipping meals a lot?”

“No--”

“Yes, he has been.” Secretary Choi interfered. Again. Jeonghan makes a mental note of scolding the older man later.

“Ahjussi, I’ll give you my number later. Call me when hyung refuses to eat.” his secretary was just about to agree but he saw Jeonghan’s death glare directed at him so he shakes his head instead. “Oh, I have to get something in the pantry. Do you mind if I bring my food there?” he asks Mingyu, obviously escaping the situation. Once the secretary is away, Mingyu turns to Jeonghan. “You look upset, hyung.” one thing he likes about Mingyu-well, amongst other things- is that he’s quick to catch up. “I made you feel uncomfortable by coming over, didn’t I?”

“I really appreciate the gesture…” Jeonghan starts. “But this is my workplace and I’m not-- I just don’t like being caught off guard.”

“Yeah.. I should have thought of that. I was just too excited because I was nearby so I thought why not? I got way ahead of myself. Sorry.” Jeonghan felt his heart strings puled when he saw Mingyu’s sullen face. “I just wanted to do something nice for you. I don’t want you to think I’m just meeting you for sex.”

_Oh_. Is Mingyu… “You know I like you, right hyung?” Jeonghan turns and meets his gaze. He doesnt know how to react. Doesnt know what to feel. “I just feel the need to say it.. so you know what my intentions are. Shua-hyung told me about your ex--”

“What?” Jeonghan snapped.

“Well, he didn’t say much just that you had a hard time with him.. stuff like that. He just gave me a heads up so I can understand you better. And I do.. I really like you hyung and--”

Jeonghan stood up. This is just all too much for him. Mingyu is overstepping, his bestfriend couldn’t keep his mouth shut… the endless paperwork on his desk.. “I.. I cant do this right now, Mingyu. I think it’s best if you leave now.”

“But hyung--”

“Please. Just… I need space.” Jeonghan turned away, completely missing the look on Mingyu’s face. The younger man didn’t say anything anymore after that and Jeonghan was finally able to breathe when he heard the door close.

Jeonghan sunk into his seat. He’s too harsh. Too broken.. Too damaged.

Mingyu meant good. Mingyu is good. But why does he keep rejecting feelingst past those carnal ones? What is he actually waiting for? He and Seungcheol already had closure, so what’s there to hold him back?

For once, he actually has a shot to a proper, normal relationship and he’s killing the opportunity before it can even unfold completely.

Maybe… just maybe..

Maybe Mingyu can be the right one for him.

-

Jeonghan clasped his hands together, fiddling with his fingers as he walked towards Mingyu, who looked surprised at his sudden visit. Well, how would he not be when just earlier today, he all but went full harsh on him after the younger man had surprised him with lunch. “Hey, busy?” Jeonghan asked, hoping Mingyu isnt in a bad mood.

But there’s a different look in his eyes. One Jeonghan has never seen before and Jeonghan could only curse at himself because it looked like he ruined this before it even begun. “Not really. Just… not in the mood.” Came Mingyu’s dry reply.

“Look, Gyu.. i’m sorry about today i’m just—“

“Don’t worry hyung. It’s not because of what happened earlier. I totally understand that. I overstepped. I shouldn’t have done that..”

“No.. I overreacted. It was nice of you to come. I think I was just caught off guard because that has never happened before and I didn’t know how to react.” Well it’s the truth. “But, if it isnt about what happened then what is it? Do you want to talk about it?”

Mingyu ran his fingers through his hair and sighed in exasperation. “I don’t know hyung…” Jeonghan took Mingyu’s softened stance as his signal to come close. So he did, casually leaning to the chef’s counter, he faced Mingyu and gave his shoulder a squeeze. “If you want to tell me, i’m here for you..” Mingyu looked at him for a few seconds and then pouted. And there it is. Mingyu’s back to his usual self again. He pulls Jeonghan so the older man stands in front of him and le leans down so his head is resting by his shoulder. “Someone is trying to buy this building.”

Jeonghan’s eyes shot wide. _It cant be.._

Somehow, all factors are leading to a person he’s painfully familiar with.

He tries to shake the thought off. _No. It cant be. Why would he? How would he even know?_

Jeonghan cursed inwardly. If it really is Seungcheol, then he _definitely_ would know.

“Do you know who?” Jeonghan asks, hoping Mingyu would say it’s a government official or one of the conglomerates. But Mingyu shook his head and just sighs. “I don’t know why they even want this building in the first place. There are so many others without tenants. I havent even opened yet and somebody’s trying to close me down.”

Jeonghan wrapped Mingyu in his arms. Somehow, he felt sorry for the younger one. A part of him feels guilty. Maybe because at the back of his mind, he knew it has something to do with him. “I’m sure it will work out.”

It’s time he gets to the bottom of this.

He needs to talk to Seungcheol.

-

Clearly, luck isnt on his side because Seungcheol had moved out of his old building— his headquarters as he call it. So Jeonghan had no choice but to contact him via phone.

“I didn’t think you’d miss me this soon, Hannie.” Something about his ex lover’s voice pricks his skin and sends shivers down his spine.

“I need to see you.”

“Have you changed your mind?”

“No. But I need to talk to you about something.”

“Why do I feel like I wouldn’t want to have this conversation.”

“Because you know exactly what I want to talk about.”

There was a brief silence on the other end of the line.

“Where are you right now?”

Jeonghan gave him his location and Seungcheol told him to stay put and that he will be there in a few minutes. True to his words, Seungcheol did show up, parading a car Jeonghan had never seen before.

Seungcheol breezed the minute Jeonghan got in. There were no conversations exchanged the whole drive, only the intoxicating smell of Seungcheol’s aftershave lingered in the air.

Arriving at a destination Jeonghan had never been to before, Seungcheol parks the car and then turns to him. Jeonghan shifts in his seat, having always been conscious of Seungcheol’s eyes on him. “So…” the gang leader’s low voice registers, “What did you want to talk about?”

“What are you doing to Mingyu?”

Seungcheol frowned. “Who is Mingyu?”

Jeonghan gave him a look, one that makes Seungcheol chuckle and lean back to his seat, draping over an arm to the back of Jeonghan’s. “Ahhh.. the new guy you’re fucking?”

“So it _is_ you.”

“Have I ever told you how much it irks me that you can see through me? That’s why I can never keep things from you.”

“You need to stop.”

“What if I don’t want to?”

Jeonghan closed his eyes and tipped his head back in frustration. “We talked about this. We had closure. What more do you want from me?”

“ _You_.” Jeonghan looked at him. “I just want you.” Seungcheol’s eyes were piercing— they always have been— but this.. right now.. is much more than that. So much more that Jeonghan finds himself lost in them.

Seungcheol’s gaze held him down, to the point he found it hard to even breathe. He can feel the other man’s hand lingering.. and even without touching, it’s electrifying-- exhilarating. So when it finally does land on his skin, Jeonghan’s first instict was to lean on it. “You don’t know how much it pains me to not be able to do this as much as I’d like..” Seungcheol’s fingers caressed his cheek, down to his jawline, ghosting touches to his neck and Jeonghan wanted to purr. He just wants to submit.

He just wants to be taken.

And he would have allowed Seungcheol if it weren’t for the sudden ringing of his phone.

Seungcheol curses incoherently, fishing his phone from his coat pocket. He glances at Jeonghan before taking it. “What is it?” And that is all Seungcheol says because after a few seconds, he cuts the call and takes a deep breath.

“I’m taking you home.”

Jeonghan could not help but be alarmed. “What is it?”

“Nothing for you to know, Prosecutor Yoon.” Seungcheol starts the car and immediately drives their way to Jeonghan’s apartment.

Once arrived, Seungcheol insisted on walking him inside. He doesn’t go in though, which is very unlike him. “I have to go.” he says softly, face mere inches away from Jeonghan’s as they stood by the doorway. He touches Jeonghan’s face again like he did earlier in the car. He caressed it like it’s the first time he’s ever done it, carefully taking in all of Jeonghan features. “Hannie..” Jeonghan had always loved how Seungcheol calls his name and in all honesty, what he would give just to hear it everyday. But these are things he can’t say out loud because they’re supposed to be over and he’s supposed to not care.

Unfortunately for him, he does.

He _still_ does.

So he pulls Seungcheol and crashed their lips together in a dance that only they knew. He feels Seungcheol’s hands grip his hips, kneading him against his clothes and Jeonghan craved-- he desperately craved for more-- for something.. for anything.

But Seungcheol breaks the kiss and distances himself a little, foreheads still pressed as they catch their breaths. “Jeonghan..”

“Cheol just--” he tries to move closer again, to feel Seungcheol’s lips against his-- to have it on his skin and all over.

“No, Hannie… listen.” Seungcheol holds both of his arms and looks his deep in the eyes. “I’m trying to get out. I mean it. This time I really do.” he begins “If I get out, would you come back to me?”

“How--”

“I’m doing my best. I’m doing all I can. That’s all you need to know, Hannie. I mean it. This time, I don’t care about anything else. I just want you. I _need_ you.” Seungcheol cups his face with both of his hands. “Is it too late, baby? Am I too late?”

Jeonghan can feel the tears threatening to fall from his eyes. He shook his head, unable to even utter a word.

“Good.. that’s good.” Seungcheol smiles. “I have to go, but I’ll be back, okay? Wait for me, yeah?” Jeonghan eagerly nodded, holding back a sob. Seungcheol presses their lips together once more and Jeonghan feels the dampness in Seungcheol’s cheeks too. Seungcheol pulls away and then presses a kiss on his forehead too. “I love you. I really love you. I’ll be back. I’ll come to you, okay?” Jeonghan didn’t want to let him go but Seungcheol nods, urging him.

Seungcheol was about to leave but Jeonghan calls him, “Don’t do anything dangerous, okay?”

The leader smiles-- that breathtaking smile that knocks all air from Jeonghan’s body and oh how he missed that-- “I’ll try.” and then he’s gone.

Jeonghan waited the whole night.

He waited until the sun came up.

But Seungcheol never came back.

The loud ringing of his phone broke the silence of his room. It’s his secretary. “Prosecutor Yoon, you need to come. We just got intel about the S.Coups case and apparently, there was a shootout last night. It’s not confirmed yet but someone died.”

And right there and then, Jeonghan felt his world collapse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope it wasn't confusing! I hope y'all are okay! This is part of my fic dump as celebration for my first carat birthday which is on the 8th! Hopefully, i can release the last chapter within this week too! 
> 
> Please tell me what you think! I would love to know your thoughts! 
> 
> Also, virtual tip jar still open so if you want to leave some extra love, just head on over to my twitter (@natchwe) and see my pinned post <3


	4. Four.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw // mentions of gunshot, death 
> 
> ... does the heart get what it wants?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel good about this :) please enjoy!

“I’m looking for a patient named Choi Seungcheol?” Jeonghan taps his fingers on the table, biting his bottom lip, hoping he finds something-- _anything_. “Sorry, we don’t have a patient with that name.” and then any shroud of hope is put out again. He hangs up with a heavy heart.

It’s been two weeks. Two long weeks of waiting. Two long weeks of thinking-- thinking of the worst, thinking of what could have happened to him. Just _thinking_. Even his line for emergency- which he uses in case he really needs to contact Seungcheol- is unavailable. There’s nothing form him-- like he’s erased from the surface of the world.

Jeonghan called every possible hospital Seungcheol could have been. Pathetic it may be, it’s better to try than to not do anything at all. He knew Seungcheol isn’t stupid to have himself admitted to a hospital because he can be easily tracked by doing so, but a small part of him wished that the gang leader is accidentally brought into one so he can at least know that he was treated. Know that he survived.

This is one of the many things he hated about Seungcheol’s…. _work,_ if you could call it that. Not knowing if he’s coming back home or not and although he was always able to, Jeonghan still hated waiting. He remembered staring at the door, willing it to open, revealing an unscathed Seungcheol, but this time, no matter how hard he tried to manifest it to swing open, it just didn’t. Seungcheol never came back.

“--Prosecutor..?” Secretary Choi’s voice disrupted his deep thoughts. “Are you okay? You haven’t been looking well lately.”

Jeonghan adjusted his tie, slightly loosening it. “Yeah, I’m okay. What is it?”

“Something happened, Prosecutor. We just received a tip that all acquired assets under the name of S.Coups are being donated to charity. All properties liquidated and distributed to several charities here in Seoul. They’re all being put to good use.”

“What?”

“I believe this S.Coups is a good man, Prosecutor. Fighting those corrupt conglomerates and giving away their assets to people in need.”

“So.. does that mean all charges against him will be dropped?”

“We’re not sure of that yet. We’ve still yet to find out who died in the shootout. If it’s him…”

“Don’t say that!” Even Jeonghan was surprised at himself for how he snapped. “I mean.. he could be alive.”

“Yeah, better him that the bad guys, I guess?” Then secretary Choi heads back to his desk.

Jeonghan slumps back to his chair. _Cheol, where are you?_

-

It was 10 past 10 when he got home. Lately, he’s been taking more overtimes than usual because at least, at work, he can somehow function. He hates being home. He hates not being able to sleep. He hates unconsciously looking at the door, wishing it would open and Seungcheol would just come in and hug him and take him.

Walking up to his apartment, he sees a familiar figure standing by the door. As if on cue, said figure turns, face litting up when their eyes met. “Hyung!”

“Oh, Mingyu.. what are you doing here?”

“Well you havent been answering my calls… I’m worried..”

“I’m sorry..” he really is. “I’m just really swamped with work and I..”

“Hyung are you dumping me?” that question took Jeonghan by surprise. “I mean, I thought things were going well but then all of a sudden, you act as if I don’t exist…”

“Sorry.. I.. I didn’t mean to.. I’m just really preoccupied most of the time..”

“But you didn’t answer me..”

To be honest, Jeonghan doesnt know what to say- how to say it. It’s like it’s at the tip of his tongue but he can’t somehow say it.

“Are you getting back together with your ex?”

Now _that_ really took Jeonghan by surprise. “What?”

“You still love him don’t you?” Mingyu looked hurt. “Well, Shua-hyung did give me a heads up. But I thought we were doing okay because I felt like we were connecting really well. And I’ve never told you this but…” Mingyu shifts his weight from one foot to another. “One time, when we’re having sex, you clung onto me and said a different name as you came. I didn’t take offense then because I wasn’t in the place to do so… but you kept calling his name even in your sleep.. can’t say it didn’t hurt.”

“Oh Mingyu..” Jeonghan reaches for his arm, gives it a little squeeze, hoping it would somehow translate how sorry he is. “I’m so… god, I’m awful to you.”

“You’re not, hyung. I mean, you don’t intend to me, that at least I’m sure. I know what I’m getting myself into coming onto you that night and I’m not regretting it. I do really like you. I just hope… I just hope I somehow stood a chance against him. But I guess I never did.” Mingyu tried his best to smile, but Jeonghan knows it’s just to make light of the situation because Mingyu’s smile always reaches his eyes. This one didn’t.

“Wait, do you want to come in?” Jeonghan knew that sounded…wrong. But he honestly don’t know how he can at least make Mingyu feel better.

“Ah, I shouldn’t..” Mingyu puts both of his hands in his pocket, tiptoeing, he snorts and says “I should better get going hyung, I just really wanted to check on you..”

Jeonghan reached out to cup the younger man’s face, Mingyu flinches a little, not expecting the sudden skinship. “You’re a good person, Mingyu.. the right, good person..” _but not the one for me.._

“I’m going to miss you, hyung.” Mingyu holds his hand. “And you’re still invited to my restaurant’s opening okay? The buyer didn’t proceed so I guess it’s for real this time.”

Jeonghan smiles. “That’s good. Really good to know, Gyu. I’m really happy for you.”

“Thanks hyung. I’ll get going now, okay? But if you need anything.. just let me know, alright? I’m always here for you.” Mingyu leaned forward to give him a kiss on the forehead. Jeonghan nods and smiles at him. Jeonghan watched as he walked away before going inside his apartment.

He puts his briefcase on the table, followed by his keys and phone. Took off his coat and hung it on the rack. He throws himself to the bed. The silence is killing him. It’s going to be another long night again.

He remains like that for a moment, until gradually he feels his eyelids getting heavier. Just as when he’s finally about to give in to sleep, he hears someone knock on the door. Mingyu? He must have forgotten something..

Jeonghan stands up and half runs to the door. He turns the knob and swings it open “Mingyu what--”

He felt all air escape him.

“Seungcheol…”

“Should I be worried about that forehead kiss or--” but before Seungcheol can even run his smooth mouth, Jeonghan had already pulled him close and locked their lips together. Seungcheol smiles into the kiss, snaking his arms around Jeonghan’s waist.

“I hate you..” Jeonghan whispers in between kisses. “I hate you so much..” Seungcheol breaks their contact, caressing Jeonghan’s cheek with his thumb. “I’m sorry baby.. I’m sorry for worrying you..”

“I thought--” Jeonghan couldn’t even finish his sentence, breaking down into sobs. Seungcheol takes him in his arms, kissing the top of his head. “I’m sorry. I should have called..”

“Damn right you should have..” a sobbing Jeonghan muttered against his chest. Seungcheol laughs softly, loving how tough Jeonghan sounds amidst all the sobbing. “I was being careful. They’ve got all my lines tapped. I couldn’t risk them knowing I’m connected to you.”

“I wouldn’t have given a fuck.” Jeonghan pulls away to meet his eyes. “I could care less about them finding about. I wanted to know if you made it okay.”

“Don’t worry, baby.. no more of it.”

“What do you mean..”

Seungcheol kisses him this time. “Later, baby? Coz right now all I want to do is take you over and over again and make up for worrying you.”

“You know there’s no way you’re getting out of telling me, right?” Jeonghan glared at him.

“I know, Mr. Prosecutor.” Seungcheol carries him, wrapping his legs around his waist and pressing him on the wall nearest to them as he closes the door with his heel. Jeonghan cups his face with both of his hands, sliding up until his fingers thread Seungcheol’s charcoal-black locks. Jeonghan gives it a gentle pull, tugging down so he can kiss Seungcheol better. The older man plays with his bottom lip, biting and sucking and licking it until his mouth travels down to his chin and finally reaching his neck.

Jeonghan gasps as he feels Seungcheol’s tongue press flat on his throat, licking from the base of his neck up until it reaches back to his chin and then Seungcheol locks their lips again. “Bed, cheol. Please.” Jeonghan whispers against the other’s lips and Seungcheol didn’t need to be told twice. The next thing he knew was feeling the bed under him and Seungcheol pressing their clothed erections together. Jeonghan busied himself with unbuttoning Seungcheol’s shirt and he was about to slide it off him when the other suddenly winced. “What?” Jeonghan asked and then he saw bandages under Seungcheol’s clothes. He slipped the shift off him, revealing a half bandaged torso. “Cheol…” Jeonghan’s eyes travel, inspecting the severity of his wounds. “It’s nothing. I’m okay now.” Seungcheol was about to kiss him again but Jeonghan pulls away. “This is why? This is the reason why you were gone a long time, isn’t it?”

“Well, this and other things. Really, Hannie.. I’m okay now, you don’t have to worry anymore..”

Jeonghan suddenly captures his lips, switching their positions, leading Seungcheol to lean back on the headboard. Seungcheol breaks the kiss when he felt dampness in Jeonghan’s cheeks. “Hannie why--” but Jeonghan shushes him again with a soul sucking kiss. All while busy getting rid of his own clothes. He fumbles with Seungcheol’s pants, pushing it down and they both hiss when both their hardness came in contact with each other. Jeonghan proceeds to wet his fingers, inserting it inside him and Seungcheol is left there staring in awe. Even like this, Jeonghan’s brows furrowed in concentration, eyes a little puffy from crying, cheeks all flushed and scarlet, Jeonghan is so beautiful.

Jeonghan takes his fingers out, positioning Seungcheol where he needs him to be. But the latter grips his hips in an attempt to stop him. “Hannie why are you in a rush we have--”

“No. I’ve wasted so much time pushing you away when all this time I could have had you. I’m not wasting any more time spent with you, Seungcheol.” and with that, he lowers himself down on the other man, eliciting a long drawing moan from the latter. Seungcheol, amidst his clouded state, sees the tears escaping from Jeonghan’s eyes as the latter starts to move his hips slowly. “Shit-- Han, are you hurting--” Seungcheol attempts to sit up but Jeonghan pushes him back. “No. I’m just--”

“Stop. You’re hurting youself. Wait--” Seungcheol pushes his hand away, encaging Jeonghan in his arms, trying to stop him.

“I want it to hurt..” Jeonghan whispers against his cheeks. “I want to feel it. To remember it. I need to know you’re really here.” Tears just wouldn’t stop falling down his eyes. Seungcheol feels his heart constrict at the sight of the love of his life breaking down because of him. “Baby.. not like this.. I’m here. I’m--”

“But until when?” Jeonghan cut him off. “That night you said you’re coming back. But you didn’t. I waited for you..”

Seungcheol was rendered speechless. All this time, Jeonghan has been acting tough, acting as if he wasn’t affected. But he was feeling all these things-- the anxiety, the longing and all the frustrations that comes with it. “Let me do it this way-- my way. Just this once. I just want to feel all of you.” Jeonghan closes the distance between their lips in a gentle kiss. “I’m not crying because it hurts. I’m crying because it’s good and because it’s with you.” Seungcheol loosens his hold on Jeonghan’s hips, allowing the other man to freely move, swaying his hips back and forth-- slowly… dragging.

Seungcheol leans back, allowing Jeonghan the freedom to move on top of him. Their eyes locked and he can still see the traces of tears on the latter’s cheeks. He palms Jeonghan’s thighs, feeling them on his hands-- kneading, massaging, encouraging him.

Jeonghan’s movements picked up pace, his hands finding Seungcheol’s firm chest and seeking support there. Knowing Jeonghan is reaching closeness, Seungcheol grips his hips and thrusts to meet his pace. Jeonghan throws his head back, crying out Seungcheol’s name because no one-- and he means _no one_ \-- can make him feel this good other than this dangerous man in front of him.

“Cheol!” he gasps as Seungcheol repeatedly hits his prostate, inching him further into release. He loses balance and falls forward, landing on Seungcheol’s torso. “It’s okay baby.. don’t hold back.” Seungcheol whispers to him. “Cum for me baby..” and it’s Seungcheol’s voice and his relentless thrusts and the way his leaking hardness rubs against Seungcheol’s taut stomach that sends him in a spiral and he cums so hard in between their bodies, legs quivering and hands trembling wrapped around Seungcheol’s neck.

Seungcheol comes after a few more thrusts, emptying himself inside Jeonghan. He’s always loved the way Jeonghan tightens around him, still moving his hips ever so slowly, sucking out everything Seungcheol can give. He finds Jeonghan’s lips, “I love you Jeonghan. You’ll be the death of me.”

“Well don’t die just yet.” Jeonghan retorts and they share a quiet laugh despite still feeling high. “I love you too, Seungcheol. No more pulling stunts like this, alright?”

Seungcheol smiles at him. “I’ll try.”

-

Jeonghan called in sick the next day, never wanting to leave the bed. Never wanting for Seungcheol to leave his bed. But he knows too damn well he can’t keep him there forever.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Seungcheol hugs him from behind, pulling down the silky sheet covering Jeonghan’s naked body.

“I’m not that cheap. You’re gonna need a lot more than a penny.”

Seungcheol smirks. Yoon Jeonghan and his smart smart mouth. “Well, fortunately for you I’m actually going to tell you something about that.” Jeonghan spins to face him. “I’m sure you heard I had everything liquidized. But there’s still a huge chunk left-- my money, of course. Not dirty at all.” Jeonghan shot him a look. “Okay, maybe a little dirty but it’s mine so I get to keep it.”

“I’ve sorted it out into different bank accounts. You will have access to it. I sold the studio, the HQ I mean, because that’s been found out. But I got a new one and I’ll have someone show it to you just in case.”

“Why not you?”

Seungcheol pursed his lips together.

Jeonghan sat up, a frown in his forehead so big it could cover the entirety of his face. “Seungcheol what are you up to this time?”

“Baby, remember when I told you before that I couldn’t get out? It’s not because I couldn’t. It’s more of, they won’t let me. They threatened me with so many things and they found out about you. I had nothing against them then. Because your life is at stake so I had to do whatever they ask me to do. When we broke up, I told them it’s because you cheated. I told them we ended badly. I had to make it seem like you’re not important to me anymore that’s why I keep going away although all I really do want is to stay with you.” Seungcheol brings his hand up to caress Jeonghan’s head. “Eventually, I was able to gather my own men. Got to establish my own circle. I had enough to go against them. It wasn’t easy. But eventually I did. Buying all those establishments was a way to get leverage--”

“Even Mingyu’s?” Jeonghan glared at him.

Seungcheol smiled that smile Jeonghan had missed terribly. “Uh-- that’s also kind of a leverage too, but a personal one.” Jeonghan hit him playfully on the arm.

“Remember that night we were together? They called me because the other gang ransacked our hideout. I’m not gonna go into details, but it ended that night. I was finally able to put an end to it.”

“So you killed…”

Seungcheol nodded. “It’s him or me, Hannie. I had no choice. And I don’t regret it. He’s put me to hell for years. I’m glad he’s dead.”

“He’s the one who shot you?”

“Yeah.. good thing he missed. He was quicker than me but I had better aim.”

Jeonghan let his head hang low, covering his face, he takes a deep breath and slowly takes everything in. One would think with his profession, this wouldn’t affect him too much.. but then again, it’s Seungcheol and just imagining him in that kind of pain… Jeonghan shakes his head and lies beside Seungcheol so he can hug him tight. “No more of this, right?”

“Yes, Hannie. No more.”

“But remember the bank accounts, okay? And the studio. It’s much closer to your office so you can move there.”

“You mean we, right?”

Seungcheol just smiled and hugged him tighter.

Jeonghan should be happy, right? Seungcheol’s here. Seungcheol’s safe. Seungcheol is his. Nothing to worry anymore, right?

But somehow, all this talk about money and property and Seungcheol telling him about it instead of showing it to him himself… it feels _weird_.

It feels like he’s leaving.

-

“Prosecutor! There you are!” Secretary Choi rushes to him as soon as he steps out of the elevator. “Let’s go! We have to go!”

“Where?”

“That guy S.Coups just turned himself in! Let’s go, you’ll be interrogating him!”

Jeonghan’s mind went blank.

-

Jeonghan’s chest feels like exploding. Seungcheol--- Seungcheol turned himself in? What is going on? He just got him back and now--

The sound of the door opening revealing a painfully familiar face disrupted Jeonghan’s thoughts.

There stood Seungcheol right in front of him. Dressed in detainee clothes, handcuffed. Jeonghan looked away to hide his tears. “Mr. Choi, can I have a moment with the-- the suspect?” Even saying that word feels like he’s being stabbed over and over again.

The secretary exited the room along with the officer that brought Seungcheol in.

“Just how many times are you going to hurt me?” Jeonghan begins. He closes his eyes and all the tears he’s been holding back flows down to his cheeks. “Cheol… I just got you back..”

“I’m sorry, Hannie.. I have to do this..”

“But why? You said you got out. You said it’s okay now. Why— I don’t understand..”

“I mean it when I said I want to start fresh with you. But in order to do so, I have to have a clean slate. I can’t have you breaking laws for me again, Han. I meant it when I said I am going to change. I’m doing it because that’s what you deserve.”

“But I was okay with— with how it is before. I don’t mind as long as—“

“But I do. I mind. I don’t want to be your secret anymore, Hannie. I want to be able to go out with you without having to worry that I might get caught. I want you to be able to introduce me to people. To be seen with you. To be with you freely, without any reservations. I want to be uncomplicated. It’s the least I can give you..”

“It’s 5-10 years, Cheol. How can i— how do you expect me to go on that long without you?”

Seungcheol smiles. “I’ll be on my best behavior. Hopefully 5 years max.”

“This is not the time to be smiling, Choi Seungcheol. The law isnt on your side and even though you killed a man because of self defense, you have other things under your name that would contribute to your sentence.. there is no easy way out of this.”

“I know. But i’m looking forward to the day I step out— clean. Because that’s who you deserve. You’ve endured so much because of me, Hannie. I want to make it right. I want to do it right this time..” Seungcheol leans forward, his voice a little quiter this time. “But Han, I am not going to be selfish about this.. if along the way you find someone… then don’t feel bad, okay? I’ll understand..”

“Don’t even dare think about that. I’ll be there when you get out. You _better_ get out.”

They stare at each other. Jeonghan just wants to push away the table and kiss Seungcheol right there and then but that would complicate things even further.

In the end, Seungcheol pleaded guilty to all charges. His sentence would run up to 10 years.

If Jeonghan knew today would turn out like this, he would have held Seungcheol tighter the previous night. He should have told him more that he loves him.

Seungcheol gives him one last smile before he was brought away.

-

Five years later

-

“And that’s the last of it!” Mr Choi closed the folder. “Tomorrow you just need to review—“

“I’m not coming in tomorrow. I told you that already yesterday.” Jeonghan took off his reading glasses.

“Oh, right. Okay, Chief.”

“I’m heading out now. I have an appointment.” Jeonghan smiles, not being able to hide his giddyness. The secretary looks at him confusely, then checks his calendar. “Chief, you don’t have an appointment.”

“I do. This was set five years ago.” Then he winked at the clueless secretary and exited his office as fast as he can.

The drive going to the facility was quicker than he expected. Somehow, it feels like he’s picking someone up from the airport. Jeonghan can’t hide his excitement but also he feels a little anxious because it’s been five years.

Five long years.

He wonders how Seungcheol would look like.

He checks himself again in the mirror. Damn it, why is he so nervous? It’s _just_ Seungcheol.

He saw the metal door open and couldn’t help but hold his breath. Some officers stepped out and then finally..

_Finally_

Seungcheol steps out in a black tank top and jeans. Duffle bag in hand and _wow_ — Jeonghan’s heart took a leap. Seungcheol’s locks were tied up in a bun.

Seungcheol spots him almost immediately, raising his hand and flashing him that smile he missed terribly. He talks to the officers, shaking hands and it’s obvious he did well inside because the officers pat him on the shoulder, even making some jokes based from Seungcheol’s hearty laugh. Then they bid farewell and closed the door behind them.

Seungcheol smiles as he makes his way to where Jeonghan is and it was then when Jeonghan realized that Seungcheol had grown bigger— in all the right places.

Seungcheol throws his bag in the backseat and gets in the car, immediately turning to Jeonghan.

“You grew your hair.” Jeonghan smiled.

Seungcheol reached for his face, tucking a stray of red hair behind his ear. “So did you.” He leans forward and presses a chaste kiss on Jeonghan’s lips. “I’m here, baby.”

Jeonghan smiles again, this time that smile that makes him scrunch his nose and Seungcheol thinks he can watch him all day smile like that. But then again, there’s something else he would want to do all day, especially with Jeonghan looking like _this_.

Jeonghan starts the car. “You didn’t forget anything, did you?”

Seungcheol placed his hand on top of Jeonghan’s thigh. Smiling, he said “Nope. I got everything I need right here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another one done!! I'm really happy. I like how this turned out. When i first wrote this, it didnt feel right for Seungcheol to just escape, you know? Because if that's what's going to happen, then it's just going to be a vicious cycle and they would just continue hurting. So i revised it and made it right. :) i hope the flow is okay :) 
> 
> As always, i want to thank all of you for joining me in this journey. I hope it was one worth taking! 
> 
> I would love to hear your feedbacks! Really, anything! Nothing inspires an author than knowing what her readers think :) 
> 
> If you love it super super super so much, then a tip would be lovely too! Head on over to my twitter, it's on my pinned post. <3 Thank you!

**Author's Note:**

> Dont worry, Seungcheol isnt some kinda psycho. He just really loves Jeonghan so much. Also this isnt considered cheating because technically, Jeonghan and Seungcheol are over and well, Mingyu and Jeonghan is kinda just friends with benefits so... 
> 
> Okay! So i thrive off comments so please let me know what you think! :)


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